87 - Drill Me Twixt the Butt Cheeks

“Da!” The mountain’s slope had gained steepness somehow, the air thin in his lungs. He couldn’t produce a shout and run at the same time but he tried a few more times. “Da, Light and Dark, Da!”

He ran, thankful that the Zon had insisted he run up and down the mountain every day as part of his training, but his run was a half scramble, hands digging into the side of the slope here and there because the direct path up was so much steeper than the regular path. It felt steeper. Did I just witness my da and Ilax pledge themselves before the Ancestors and the Light and the Dark and walk down here, just a day ago? Twins of Light and Darkness, he’s just married Ilax, Hara’s papa... oh Dark and Light and Dark again! They wanted to take him away from Milar, away from his da... and his new husband... Light and Dark they wanted to take him away from Hara. They wanted to take him away from everything. I don’t want to. They can take their position and the riches and everything and shove them up their cloacas!

It took forever, as if the cleft of the newly cleaned out cavern kept receding away in front of him. The old ‘mander spell had been burst asunder and washed away by the mud, but Ilax said someone would probably put one up again someday but since everyone in this generation now knew about the cave, why bother? The cleft just seemed to hang there in his pounding breath, not getting any closer, even as he strained upwards.

Behind he could hear the uproar as one of the Rasheem, probably the Amir, got himself straightened out and rode down the loose bird before it bit someone. When Ky had spooked it, he’d flipped the reins over the raised pommel so the eyeflaps had locked open, letting it run. “Da. Da.” He had no air left at all and he’d suddenly made it up high enough to dodge into the Ancestor stones, no longer as exposed as a bug on a plate.

His chest heaving, heart pounding and spots swimming in front of his eyes as if he had mountain sickness he staggered into the passageway, the rock cool on his hands as he fell against one side. He couldn’t stop.

He made it into the main cavern, turn the sharp corner, dragged the door-flap up without so much as a cough to let them know he was coming and fell over with a bang as Tizzie darted between his feet, tripping him. He raised his head just in time to see both his da and Ilax, completely naked, let go each other. Ilax’s pale arms were wrapped around his da’s knees and kneeling... um... da had opened his mouth... let him go.... um...so he was kneeling...

Kyrus didn’t even bother trying to get up but turned his face down into the carpets and flung his arms over his head, still struggling to get his breath back. A fast rustling noise came from the bed. Thank Light and Dark they’re both warriors and move fast... “Ky, what’s wrong?” Ilax’s hand on his back. I might be enlightened sexually but not THAT enlightened. Twins of Light and Dark, PLEASE have some kind of clothing on your body!

“It’s all right son,” Ky risked at peek at his Da over the edge of his arm. Da and Ilax both had a couple of furs wrapped around them from the bed.

“No, it’s not!” He heaved a full enough breath finally. 

“There’s a couple of Rasheem who say that I’m the bastard great-grandson of the Radiant Light and that I’m a Siwion and have to go with them to Lainz and maybe the new Kraganzh – I don’t want to go I want to stay here with –“

“Hush, son. Wait a moment. You’re making no sense. Catch your breath. I can’t make out half of what you’re saying.” He sat down next to his son, while Ilax went over and grabbed some clothing up off the floor. Ky sat up and turned his head to look resolutely at his father while Ilax pulled on something a bit more substantial than a blue-wolf fur. Tizrav bounced back into the tent and climbed up Ky’s back as he sat and he didn’t notice.

“Da! Listen. Your da... Diryish Talain, right?”

“Yes.”

“His mama was Shabat, right?”

Kyrus was starting to look both puzzled and upset. “Yes, that was grandmother’s name. It was a bit of a scandal that grandfather insisted on marrying her, rather than accepting the girl chosen for him by his parents.”

“Da, the Rasheem, say he... Diryish -- really His Immutable’s son! Herself ‘d gang bunwise with the Scorcher!” His tongue failed him, falling back into the cant he’d grown up with. 

“We’m Embers fallen ta Darkmost! An’ they High-beaks say... come along, no wrong, come along! Da!” Even as old as he was Ky couldn’t help sounding much younger, in his fear. “Da, t’makes you real-ion, Siwion, an’ t’ highest Height-climber, Sun-crystal sniffer, Buzzing One!”

“Kyrus, inam, I don’t speak that variant of Lainz. What’s going on?”

Kyrus the elder was pale as he could get, an ashy chocolate. “Oh.” He said quietly. “Oh. My. Light. And. Dark. Drill me twixt the butt-cheeks and throw a gold beak loop in my sweet and sour pinched cloaca, guano on me!” Ilax was completely frozen as the obscenities poured from Kyrus’s lips.

“Inam?” He came over and knelt between and beside father and son as both covered their faces.

“Da, what are we going to do?” Ky was still panting as if breathless, though he’d long recovered from his run. “They’re following, lookin’... um, looking for me. They’re supposed to be my bodyguard!”

“Ilaxandal. My husband.” Kyrus was shaking and Ilax flung his arms around him and held him tightly as though to keep him firmly on the carpet before the bed.

“Will one of you two please start making sense? What is going on?”

“Ky tells me that I’m the bastard grandson of the Imperator of Lainz and he’s all out of Heirs. He... because everyone in Lainz still apparently believes I’m dead... thinks Ky, my son, is at least a Siwion, what kingdoms would call a ‘Prince of the Imperial House’. And the old man might choose him as worthy to be the new Kragahnz.” He took a deep breath. “All because they think I’m dead.”

“Oh, my illustrious and most favoured Ancestors.”