151 - I'd Want to Rip His Nards Off

He must have slept because he was woken up by Hara wiggling out from between him and Werfas to visit the latrine they’d dug together two days ago.  Werfas groaned, rolled over and tucked himself into Hara’s space, right up against Kyrus who froze. Um. This is really uncomfortable. Even as he mentally flailed around wondering whether he should let his top hand down onto Wer’s hip, just as if it were Hara, or everything were completely innocent, he could feel himself getting hard.  Light and Dark and a diseased owner’s right testicle!

Hara came back and didn’t even hesitate, but spooned in front of Werfas, almost certainly asleep as soon as her head settled. Milari.  Why, why, why did da have to get involved with Milari?  As promiscuous as our birds. You have to keep them apart or you never know which egg is whose.  But... Milari kids don’t do this to breed.  I know that.  I just... I um... guano. It was still early enough that the sun hadn’t risen yet and the air was still icy.  Their bedroll... all three of their blankets together... was warm and mostly clean, and still smelled faintly of the sex he and Hara had had the night before and however disturbing that was, it wasn’t a bad smell.  He found he could just close his eyes.  It wasn’t as if anything had really changed since last night, he just had more information about it.   

I’ll talk to him... and her... tomorrow when we’re feeding and cleaning birds.  Da and Stepda won’t be back till mid-day probably, from their scout.  I... think I’ll talk to stepda too.  Da is kind of driving me oyuck-fuck nuts. He’s wobbling between the him that I met and the him he thinks he’s supposed to be and he gets weird about things, especially when he’s been talking to the Emir-al and the Amir.  I... should be eager to get back to the city.  It’s not home anymore but... ma must miss me.  I miss her. I’ll talk this out... and... and maybe Hara will want to stay?  And Werfas is my wingbrother, aside from all this sex stuff.  We’ll figure it out.  I trust him.  I trust her.  It’s me who I don’t trust to be sensible... or calm.

**

The boys were feeding the birds while Haraklez was off fixing a broken strap on her saddle.  It was just after sun-up and the last of the priestlies needed to be fed off now before they got any higher.  The war-birds didn’t mind that they were a bit smelly but it was harder to feed them, when pieces kept falling off.

Werfas hurled them underhand, tossing them down the line, while Kyrus worked from the other end of the hobbling line.  As the birds were satiated, they settled down on their hocks, heads tucked back into their feathers, inner eyes closed in a digestive daze.

Wer scrubbed his dirty gloves with clean sand, stripped them off and straightened.  “Wingbrother, are you all right?”

Ky dropped his gloves on the sand and turned his back, looking down along the road from the wadi.  “I should be asking you.  Werfas... I’m such a shit I don’t much like myself now.  I’m trying hard not to be jealous of my wingbrother.  I’m confused.  I think I love Hara... but I realize she doesn’t love me!”

He wheeled around as he yelled, “YOU love me more than she does!” He froze when he saw Wer’s posture, his eyes over the veil.  He stepped back, once, twice.  “You... do.”

Werfas turned his back.  “Not going to do anything about it, Kyrus. You confided in me how horrific it was... how you earned your way to Milar.  I’m not going to shove my dick down my wingbrother’s throat when it would hurt him that badly!”

“This... is... complicated.” Was all Kyrus managed to choke out. “Endarkened.  Enlightened.” He wanted to throw his head back and scream.  What he did was lunge for and grab a handful of rocks and start throwing them into the sky, hurling them at the sun. “WHY. WHY? ENLIGHTENED SCORCHED OWNER’S NUTS! WHY?”

He found that Werfas was doing something very much the same, though throwing so he didn’t hit Kyrus in the head; neither of them managing to disturb the birds. Both boys hurled rocks and sand, though not at each other, shouting and swearing and kicking things until both of them were tired.

Kyrus stood, panting, shaking... stomped over to Werfas and caught him in a hug.  “You.... you.... aw fak.  Wer... if you really need... I... um... I can...”

Werfas caught him by the shoulders.  “SHUT UP.  Just shut up.”  They stood nose to nose, veil to veil. “If you think I’ve got as little control as a peacock snake, I don’t want you as a friend!  I’m STRONGER than that!”

“Um... that’s not what I said...” Kyrus said in a small voice.  “I trust you, Wer.  You were my first friend... really good friend and I really, really don’t want to lose that.  Not for anything.  Not for sex with girls, not for no sex between us... Anything!”

They flung arms around one another and just stood, clinging.   

“I want to stay your friend that much too,” Wer said, quietly. 

“We’ll...”

“... figure something out.  We’ll...”

“... get to someplace where everybody has what they need,” Werfas finished firmly.  “Just like my ma says.”

“Werfas... how, by the fakkin’ owner’s diseased eyeballs do you endarkened manage to not blame people?”

“Blame people for what they feel?”  Werfas pulled back till their hands were locked on each other’s fore-arms.  “That’s like blaming the weather for being dry around here.”

“I... suppose.”

“Wingbrother, I think you need to talk more to Hara about this, too.  I mean... it’s one thing to not try and pound my head in, in a jealous rage over me and her having sex before you, but that’s still treating her like its not her decision to have sex with you.  Not fair.”

“Oh.  Fak.  Werfas, you Milari have to make things so endarkened complicated!”

“Yeah.  Makes things simpler in the long run.  After all, your da is going to have to say some pretty important stuff to your ma when we get there, won’t he?”

That was enough of a dash of cold water to make Kyrus stop and hang on to Wer’s arms.  “Oh.  Yeah. She spent years of her life, mourning him.  Raising me to see him as a hero.” – 

“Which he was, but still --” “Yeah.  That’s one conversation I don’t want to overhear.  If I were ma, I’d want to rip his nards off.”

“No shit.”

“No wonder he’s acting weird.”